that one time when I thought I was on The Biggest Loser

I started doing this Jane Fonda workout tape when I was in middle school because I discovered I weighed more than most of my friends. I remember the moment like it was yesterday. I remember who I was sitting with and where in the lunch room at Schmucker Middle Schoolour table was. All the girls started going around telling how much they weighed. I was the only one who was over 100 pounds. It was horrifying, but I didn’t know what to do about it, so I turned to Jane Fonda. Lot’s of shoulder shrugs and box-step moves. Look at Jane! This workout is obviously very effective.

So, this morning my friend Lindsey invited me to be her guest at the YMCA. She was doing an exercise class and thought I would like to come along for the hour. I printed off my “free pass” to visit the Y, checked the girls into the “child watch” play area and joined Lindsey in the studio.

It was “The 12 Days of Christmas” workout. Doesn’t that sound nice?

Day 1  – 200 meter dash
Day 2  – TKU
Day 3  – G squats
Day 4  – moneymakers
Day 5  – throw downs
Day 6  – step ups
Day 7  – sit ups
Day 8  – push ups
Day 9  – thrusts
Day 10 – wall throws
Day 11 – kettle ball swings
Day 12 – die.

Day 12 was actually something other than “die” but I didn’t make it that far in the time alloted. Basically, you sprint 2 laps around the track, then you do 2 of these Turkish Kick your leg out things while holding a weight above your head and sprint 2 laps, then you do 3 squats while holding a weight, then 2 Turkish Kick Up twist things, then sprint again, then 4 moneymaker push ups where your in a plank position on top of dumbbells and you pick up one hand at a time, then do a push up, then jump both of your feet up to meet your hands… 4 times, continue repeating day 3, 2 and 1 again adding a new day each time you’re done sprinting around again, and again, and again until you die. I made it to day 11, which means I completed 11 200-meter sprints around the track in addition to the requirements of every other day.

So that’s what I did this morning. I could tell the instructor was keeping an eye on me in case I did, in fact, keel over during her class.

It was awesome. Especially the part when my red-faced, drenched-in-sweat self literally could not do another sit-up. I had to roll over and use my hands and legs to get up off the floor.

I hope I can walk tomorrow.

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