This is the Mother’s Day card that Ruby made for me at preschool today. Other than seriously aging me, most of her answers are amazingly accurate. I’ve never been the sentimental type, but I’m saving this Mother’s Day card forever!
If the image is too small, here’s what it says:
All About Mom
Let me tell you about my mom.
My mom is 45 years old. She likes to write lists, my daddy always puts cheese on the list. The best thing she cooks is spaghetti. Her favorite food is burgers. Her favorite thing to do to relax is go to sleep. We like to play games together. She is really good at using scissors. As you can see, my mom is special because she always plays playdough with me.
I’ve collected a few more Rubyisms that are short enough to post. Ruby is in the stage where her sentences just keep going and going as more and more thoughts enter her head while she’s talking. By the time she is finished she has said too many ridiculous and hilarious things for me to keep track of. I have managed to jot down a few lately. Enjoy.
Mommy, when Clara grows, we can call her a different name. We can call her Joseph.
God made you sooooo wonderful Daddy.
These markers aren’t setting a good example mommy.
You’re pampering me mommy! Stop pampering me! (she means “punishing” which is hilarious.)
Mommy, are you pretending you’re a Sphinx?
It’s fully Spring! But I don’t see any butterflies mommy!?!? If I see some, I will help them get their wings on.
It makes me sad when you publish me mommy. (again… confusion about the word “punish”)
Mom, why do you have stripes on you? – she said this while she was closely examining my forehead wrinkles. dang.
While holding her harmonica, “Do you want me to play towel music or sink music? Do you want me to play plant music or face music?
Mom, this is how I dance in Japanese, see?
When we go to the play place at the mall, she walks the perimeter to talk to all the parents. It really funny to see how the dads react… they typically look around to see if this child’s mother would please come rescue them from having to answer all her questions and look at the handfuls of sparkles she picked up off the play place floor.
A couple of days ago our grass was so long that it was as comfy as her bed…
It’s been hard to keep track of all the Rubyisms lately because the majority of what comes out of Ruby’s mouth would qualify these days. She’s so funny. I love how much she keeps me on my toes since I never know what she’s gonna say next.
Ryan’s been making the girls pancakes on Saturdays, a couple of weeks ago she realized, “Daddy, syrup is GOOOD stuff!”
A few mornings ago from under the crack in her door, “Mommy! Are you coming up to see my famous shoes?!?”
“Do you know where my yarn is? …My yarn to make a party?”
I heard her making “try noises” while buckled into her carseat. When I asked her what she was doing she said, “Mommy, I’m just growing and growing! I’m getting BIGGER!”
“I want to be a mermaid someday. Mommy, let us all be a mermaid.”
“Mommy, that boy just doesn’t have any hair.” to which I responded, “That boy’s name is Al Roker.”
“I have to take my shirt off because thats what you do when you exercise.” – apparently she’s been noticing her hunky dad lifts weights with his shirt off.
“But mommy, this is a HORRIBLE dinner!” – I couldn’t disagree.
I’ve been encouraging her to go potty as soon as she needs to instead of waiting so long for no reason. My plan backfires when she wants to potty during nap time… “But if I wait too long I might get a UTI!”
“I need my jammies on because these clothes are just too flimsy!”
Ruby got her first “incident report” from preschool today.
Pretty much, her teacher noticed she had shoved a corn kernel in her nose so she asked Ruby, “do you know how to blow your nose?” to which Ruby excitedly replied, “Oh yes! I’m so so so good at blowing my nose.” She then proceeded to show her teacher just how good she was and blew that corn right out. The teacher still had to file a very detailed incident report which I will be saving for Ruby’s high school graduation party.
Here are a few more recent Rubyisms:
“These taste like cake!” – the first time I gave her Froot Loops cereal.
“I wish I was in med school mama.”
“Can I have a Holiday Pear?” That’s what she calls the Harry and David pears. We only get them around the holidays, so I guess that makes sense.
She’s really into rhyming lately, so if I say something like, “oh look! a bunny rabbit!” she replies, “No a grunny baggit!” then laughs and laughs at herself.
When I drop Ruby off at school she is always beyond THRILLED when we pull in the parking lot and she spots her friends. “Oh, there’s my friend! I missed her so much! Mom! There’s another one of my friends! I just love him so so much!”
Once we get inside to drop her in her classroom she always greets her teachers with something heartfelt and hilarious. Last week she said, “Oh, Mrs. Mills! I’m so glad you made it!”
She smushed a potato bug with her shoe a few weeks ago while we were hanging out on the porch. It’s guts came out and ever since then she’s been asking what other animals have guts. “Mama, do bees have guts? Do ladybugs have guts?” etc.
Once a month we pay our rent, so on that day Ruby gets a sucker from the lady at the bank. Pretty much Ruby looks forward to “paying the rent” all month. “But when we pay the rent I get a sucker!”
In closing, Ruby’s preschool picture is… well, it’s something. ha!
Unfortunately, Ruby was one of two students in her class who the photographer didn’t get a headshot of, just a whole body, so we had to do retakes so her face would be on the class picture page. Either way, this picture certainly gave me a good laugh.
Today is the perfect day to post some Rubyisms, because I need to be reminded what a gem my sweet toddler can be after epic battle of wills she and I have been fighting for the last couple of weeks. I know we will get through this… and I know I will win.
If anyone has advice on getting a 3.5 year old to understand that asking for something over and over and over does not mean I am going to eventually change my answer from “no” to “yes” please share your wisdom. Ruby has incredible resolve and an amazing ability to continue verbal repetition of sentences like, “I want a sucker!” for hours on end increasing in volume and intensity as my answer remains “no, we don’t have suckers at our house.” which means, “Sorry, not until next month when we go to the bank to deposit the rent check and the teller lady offers you candy without consulting me first…. grrrr.”
Good thing I have some recent Rubyisms to lighten the mood around here;
“I remember all the things I remember.”
“Mmmm mmm mmm, this is so much good.”
When I asked what time it is she replied, “It’s about twenty hours and a half.”
If I give Ruby the option of walking instead of riding in the stroller. She always replies, “I’m going to be the walking girl”
“Smiley faces are so much fun to look at.” as she was examining the clementines I drew faces on for her preschool class snack this week.
When she is in timeout, she furiously screams, “I HAVE A HAPPY HEARRRRRRT!!” over and over… but I can tell that she doesn’t.
“Mommy, turkey dinner always makes me thirsty.” (I do not know who has been feeding her turkey dinners. ha!)
We were driving past the soccer fields and she said, “Oh look! Teenagers!”
She tells Clara, “No Ma’am!” exactly the same way I say it to her when I want her to stop doing something.
“Oh look at that train! All those train cars are probably full of shiny stuff!”
“I’m pushing my cheeks down so I can see my necklace”
I couldn’t make this stuff up. If ONE child can say this many hilarious things I can only imagine what most preschool teachers hear on a daily basis from the kids in their classrooms!
“I’m going to say ‘SURPRISE’ soon.” (…thanks for letting me know.)
Every morning from under the crack of her bedroom door I hear, “I’m awake! I’m awake! I’m awaaaaaaaaaake!!!”
When she wants to watch TV she always asks, “Can you put on a show for me?” then she gets all frustrated when I start singing and dancing and act like I didn’t realize she meant a TV show. “Oooohhhh, you mean you want to watch Dora? Oh, okay!”
“I love my new ball so much! It’s SOOO purple and I love it SOOO much!”
“Are you punishing me? Am I getting punished?”
We were coming out of a public restroom the other day right as a woman was coming in. Ruby said, “Oh, that old lady is going potty too, mommy!”
Everything in the past happened “Last week.” Her birthday was last week, “Last week at the zoo the brown bears were hibernating,” last week she went to school, last week was christmas, everything happened last week.
Here she is on her first day of school. She LOVES preschool. Loves loves loves it.
Everyday that she’s not at school she talks about how she can’t wait to tell her teacher…, “I can’t wait to tell my teacher about Fall!” “I can’t wait to tell my teacher all about my backpack, she loves my backpack!” “I can’t wait to tell Mrs. Mills about my acorns!” I’m sure Mrs. Mills gets an earful from Ruby every Tuesday and Thursday.
On her first day home from school I asked her what she learned about and she said, “We learned about being healthy!” so I asked her what that meant and she said, “Like eating graham crackers and water.” (…ok.)
“I’m SOOO excited that bursting is quite a possibility, in fact, I’d put it in the ‘quite probably’ category.” This is a line from one of her books – but she says it often. hearing it from a 3-year old kinda takes people by surprise.
She begins by saying, “Here’s the deal…” which is the same thing Ryan says a lot.
I’ve had a few moms ask how I keep track of this stuff. I just jot these sayings down on the notes app on my phone as they happen, then when I’m ready to post another Rubyisms post I have a bunch saved. Otherwise I’d never remember.
I’m guessing you’re not surprised that I have a few more “Rubyisms” to share with you. She’s 3, so pretty much 87% of what comes out of her mouth is entertaining.
“Daddy, you remind me of a peanut butter sandwich.”
“I’m having some hard troubles over here” This phrase has been used in reference to everything from putting on her socks to cleaning up her toys to getting stickers off of the sticker page.
She was having a rough morning the other day so I put her in her room. She was yelling at me under the crack in the door, “My HANDS are all WET, MY HAAAAANDS, MOMMYYYYYY, MY HANDS ARE ALL WET,” I asked her, “How did your hands get wet?” and her response was, “My hands are all wet from my TEARS!!!”
“I losed my mind!”
“That is hysterical” – one of her new frequently used statements, used whether things are funny or not, which I think is really funny.
The other day I asked her to smile for the camera and she gave me the following faces:
For some reason whenever anyone asks her how old she is she replies, “I’m ten.”
Maybe because she’s been watching Dora the Explorer lately, she will tell me about something and follow it with a confident, “and nothing’s going to stop me!”
Whenever we are driving and it starts to get dark she always asks “Are your lights on mommy?” It’s nice to have a backseat driver already 🙂
“Anyhow, let’s go outside and play hopscotch.”
Driving home from church last weekend she told Ryan and I, “When I count to five I want you to yell, ‘JESUS!'” – we played this game with her for 6 whole minutes.
While I was watching NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams (who was wearing a black and white striped tie) she looked at him then asked, “Is that my Papa?” and proceeded to answer her own question, “No, that’s a train conductor.”
Last night we opened all the windows in the house and the girls were loving the cool breeze. Here’s Ruby, enjoying the weather with her face covered in stickers.
I’ll tell you one thing that is not easy. Getting a urine sample from a 3-year old.
I took Ruby to the pediatrician for her 3-year checkup this week and when I signed her in the receptionist handed me a little cup and said, “do you know what this is for?” I was like, “uhhh…?” She told me it was to get a urine sample and I kid you not, I had no idea they were talking about Ruby.
“What? I’m supposed to get this from her? Like, you want ME to do it?” She was not kidding around. So I took deep breaths as I maneuvered our double stroller down the hall to the bathroom.
Ruby could not have been more horrified that I was holding a cup under her – she was so concerned about making it into the cup she started screaming (which sounds extra loud in a tile bathroom) , “I CAN’T PUSH IT OUT!” and I said, “Don’t push silly, just let it out and I’ll catch it.” The she yelled, “NO YOU CAN’T DO IT! I CAN’T GET IT OUT! GET IT AWAY FROM ME!” over and over. It didn’t go well. So after a good 10 minutes of “trying” I pulled up her shorts, put her one shoe back on (since she is in the stage where she has to completely straddle the toilet which requires removal of half of her clothing) washed hands and we headed back out the waiting area. By this time I was all sweaty from being in the hot bathroom and my hair was messed up on top where Ruby had been holding it as a handle while she “attempted” to pee, Clara (who had witnessed all of this from her stroller) was getting a little fed up with the shenanigans and Ruby was back to her (happily skipping around, greeting all the people in the waiting room) self.
It’s always funny taking her to see the doctor (or anywhere in public) because there is no end to what could potentially come out of Ruby’s mouth at any given time. Here are some recent “Rubyisms”
She loves people. Ryan says she is a totally unfiltered version of me when it comes to socialization. She will spot someone and say, “Here comes my friend! I need to talk to them!” or “But where are more people for me to talk to?”
Every morning the first thing she says when she wakes up is, “What are we doing today mom?” Then I’ll say something like, “We are going to the post office!” and she gets all excited and says, “Oh, won’t that be fun?”
A typical answer to any question could be, “Because everything is happening!”
Lately, anytime people talk to her in public (like in the line at the grocery store) Ruby will turn to me and say, “I talked to the old lady.” Unfortunately, most of the women she is referring to are far from old, or just on the verge of being concerned about coming across as old… so that’s a bit of an issue. I think she says it because in the Babar books the “Old Lady” is one of the main characters. Its pretty funny.
She lets me know that its “Half-O-Clock” all the time. “It’s half-o-clock Mama!”
When we were at the cottage with Ryan’s parents, she took a walk down to the lake with her Papa and once they got out there she said to him, “Finally, no more interruptions!”
One of her frequently used statements is, “Well, I guess that answers that question.”
She is super encouraging, often saying, “Good job Mama! You did it!” when I do things like turn on the light, pour a glass of water, open a drawer, close the garage door, etc.
At her 3-year checkup we found out she weighs 28 pounds (which takes her up to the 25th percentile! yay!) She is exactly 3-feet tall (also 25th percentile) and everything is wonderful!
She LOVES her “Baby Clara Girl” and is always very aware of what Clara might be needing or wanting or trying to say. Ruby’s favorite thing is “just making baby Clara Girl laugh mommy!” Such sweetie pies.
My Ruby girl has been giving me so much material for the ol’ blog lately. She has become somewhat of an entertainer. I picked her up from the child watch area at the Y the other day and her teachers told me she had all the kids watching and laughing as she ran around acting like an elephant blowing her trumpet. Can you imagine? Apparently she knew she was the life of the party because the next morning she woke up and told me “Mommy, we have to go to the Y so the kids can laugh.”
I'll put a headband on her, then she'll take it off and put it back on like this.
Here are a few more recent Rubyisms:
“I’m not filthy, I’m Ruby!” – When Ryan was wiping her face off after dinner
“Daddy, do you know the muffin man?” she asked this as an honest question. It was difficult for Ryan to give a sincere answer.
“I see the moon sticking up!”
When we’re using any bathroom other than the one at home, with exasperation she yells “OH DEAR, IS THIS A PUBLIC POTTY?!?!” then continues touching everything in sight while I struggle to pull her pants back up while holding down both of her arms down while trying not brush up against any walls myself.
I asked what she wanted to wear and she told me, “I’m a panter today.” meaning she wanted to wear pants.
“English toast” means she wants butter but not jelly on her toast.
I asked her what she wanted to give her daddy for Valentines Day. She replied, “We should get him bread. He loves bread. Or new glasses.”
“My hands have a brain freeze” when I gave her a frozen go-gurt without a towel wrapped around the outside to keep her hands warm.