You wouldn’t believe the level 10 poo explosion situation I just lived through.
Around here, we have a ranking system based on number of baby wipes required per diaper change. A level 1 = 1 baby wipe required. Level 2 = 2 baby wipes… you get the idea. A level 10 is beyond cleaning with baby wipes and requires a bathtub to properly remedy the situation.
Amazingly, all three of my children have coordinated their pooping schedules so that I am “needed” by all of them at the same time. Charlie is only 3 weeks old, but he is just as guilty as the other 2.
After lunch today I turned on “Doc McStuffins” to occupy the girls for 30 minutes so I could change and feed Charlie before putting the girls down for naps. Ruby and Clara LOVE the show and sing along with all the Doc McStuffins songs. They were happily singing when I left the room.
As I was putting Charlie’s clean diaper on, he decided to dirty it before I could snap his onesie back on. Right at that moment, I heard Clara’s little feet running toward me and she says, “I let my poop come out!” (her words) so I said, “Yay! Good job!” and as she turned to run back into the living room I noticed that her entire shirt up to the nape of her neck was covered in poo. “CLARA!! STOP! DO NOT GO IN THE LIVINGROOM!”
Then I realize she just came from the livingroom…
I decided to leave Charlie in his bed since his poo was contained within his diaper and grabbed Clara before she made it back onto the couch, which is when I noticed that she must have been sitting on the couch when the level 10 situation happened. My eyes followed the trail of poo across the entire cushion and down over the edge where Clara slid off the couch to come tell me her good news.
I told Clara to stand perfectly still with her hands in the air in the kitchen, grabbed an entire pack of Clorox wipes, a roll of paper towel, some 409 and a grocery bag to quickly deal with the poo in the living room and then carried Clara up to the bathtub while the sound of Charlie’s cries got more and more furious. He knew he had been abandoned.
Clara was happy to be in the tub and I was happy to have survived the level 10 situation. Just as I was thinking about how happy I was, Ryan called to tell me that the oil change we took our van in for had turned into 4 new tires as well… $$$! and then Ruby came running upstairs with poo all over the side of her shirt and told me “Clara’s poop is so sticky mom!”
I must have missed a spot in the living room.
I stripped off Ruby’s clothes, threw her in the tub too and within 6 minutes had both girls clean, re-clothed and ready for naps. FINALLY I could tend to poor Charlie’s dirty diaper (a level 2, FYI).
I kid you not, as I was googling “how to clean poop off a couch“, I heard Ruby’s voice from the bathroom, “Mommy, I pooped! I need help wiping!”
Seriously folks. This is my life. Shenanigans.